Mending the Fractured Soul

Healthy attachment through autonomous performance.

In my personal exploration I have wondered a lot about how I once granted people in my life the position of an authority figure. Be it a loved one, working associate, or otherwise, these people never particularly signed up for the role. This was a deeply rooted and spontaneous behavior that was effectively misplaced expectation. This mechanism of self sabotage was so subconscious that it took many years to recover the sources of these assumptions. At this stage, does it matter where we learned the behavior from? Or is it more important to integrate the awareness that, along the way, somehow our power was being given away through imprinted routines? This has been a point I have chosen to meditate on considerably so I could gather the inner resources to take back my power.

So, what is that power we may ask? For the purposes of this report, let us consider this to be an emotional and psychic power. A force that we learn through life to exert towards our goals. I spent many years feeling confused about this power. Once I would create a web of energy with another person, I would begin to create subtle (often unspoken) expectations. Ideas that I was sharing goals led to conflicts of interest, where my discernment may get triggered by a red flag, others may not consider these points as important. Perhaps my ego would get inflated when I would remain unheard. Thus becomes the graceful and turbulent flow of learning human dynamics. Through all the disturbances I perpetuated through ignorance, I eventually sought to take full accountability for my poor communication, and learn the languages available to grapple with these complex topics of the heart and mind. The psychology of experience. So when we give away this force, we give other people control over some aspect of our ability to manifest goals, dreams and aspirations.

Shared goals are an important topic to consider. Many of us wish to co-create dreams of light in this world. When we seek to build a better world with others, we have to take account of ourselves primarily. Many times in my adult career, I have approached situations being needy, wanting things to be a certain way, Having my needs challenged much of my youth and young adult life, I created an assumption that things are hard and I am not good enough to experience financial success. Such negative bias thinking can require years to dismantle. Often we need to address the core of our belief structures, processing the cognitive dissonance while unlearning assumptions we have stored in our database. Shared goals and misplaced expectations can sometimes travel in the same carriage.

I have heard a shamanic concept of the soul being fractured. We come into the world like a pristine crystal, which can be chipped and cracked in the handling of our growing process. This is all etheric energy, so those chips and shards are actually collected in our biofield. All this memory of our experience is contained here, so with proper tuning, we can actually gather up those pieces of ourselves that have broken off in the past, and mend them back into the light body now. The analogy is that when we give away our power to others, we can learn later on to gather that power back up and reintegrate it. Perhaps that is the gist of what I am presenting here. There are tools available for healing a fractured soul.

Generally I am not a big advocate of giving away my power at this stage of my life. My well earned sense of happiness and contentment leaves me very considerate to no longer offer rash commitments. Perhaps a form of autonomy has guided me to intentionally remove all people from my life who I once gave my power away. It took years to address family members who had entrenched behaviors regarding negative bias thinking. Discerning sources of energy leaks required I become a bit of a hermit, for several years. Studying the topics that I needed to understand better and working with oracle systems to develop a keener sense of intuition, I mended my fractured soul. At this point, my power is back where it belongs, in my heart. But I am writing on the topic, because I feel the crux of my disempowerment deserves to be illuminated. Sharing our deepest experiences can help the community grow.

I shared a recent social media post regarding a lesson I have been integrating, namely “Misplaced expectation leads to unhealthy attachment”. One response detailed how misplaced expectation is a recipe for resentment. The point being we all actually know when we are placing trust in the wrong place, we just have to be honest with ourselves. Becoming resentful is like being jealous instead of showing admiration. Resentment is certainly unhealthy attachment. Another response points out the remedy being communication and curiosity. Another points out how asking questions for clarification (correct asking) is helpful. In this way we are not making assumptions. My main goal is to learn to limit my expectations in general, and choose attachments well, if at all. This obvious gets stickier as we move from social and professional dynamics into family and intimate relations. Generally, I find it acceptable to learn how to not place many expectations on others, but also how to be particularly sensitive to placing expectations on people who display acute levels of avoidant attachment behaviors. This can help remove individuals who have set up anxious avoidant traps in their lives from detrimental circumstances that may leave them feeling emotionally drained or fractured. Basically, the key is learning our personal trauma triggers and cleaning up shop. Remove the need for emotional reassurance from specific sources and we no longer set ourselves up by misplacing expectations on those sources.

This may seem cold to some. For one, it means we no longer engage ourselves co-dependently, no longer seek approval. We take accountability for our karma and our actions and our choices. The path to learning our personal myth and code of ethics demands emotional self regulation. Although we seek to co-create, we maintain compassion for those in pain above all else. This means we never loose, only learn. We never fear, we only love. This is actually a weeding process in the mind, pulling out unwanted thoughts and planting something nicer in its place. The process may require a period of being cold, hibernating through the dark night of the soul, to emerge more brilliant than ever in the coming spring season of your life. The symbol of the phoenix sparks the will to grow from the ashes. In this way we can feel immense gratitude for our past mistakes and those who scorched our emotional body to dust. Suffering in its original sense meant to undergo a passage.

When we say “I want to take back my power”, we are acknowledging that we once gave it away. Taking responsibility for our choices and commitments only offers inner harmony and peace. We may need to continually refine our intuitive abilities. It requires diligence to replace paranoia with intuition, to replace trauma reflexes with animal intelligence. We take accountability for our karma when we experience compassion for the things we hate. We have so much love we don’t need approval in order to emotionally regulate. To take back our power is to choose our actions from a position of temperate wisdom rather than impulsive or habitual behaviors. So go ahead, embrace autonomous performance, the power is yours. The only authority figure is you.

AR - December 8, 2025